Tuesday, March 22, 2011

I'm not cut out for blogging

You see, I don't so much enjoy the "every-day-ness" of blogging (and therefore; do not do it everyday; have you noticed?). I have a mental list of things I hate doing everyday that I don't so much mind doing on any one individual day. Seriously, if it has to be done--or should be done--everyday, I get all twitchy about it.

When Rhett and I were first married, we used to have a paper route that really wasn't so bad, but I figured out pretty early on that what I didn't like about it was that it had to be done everyday. Hence, the term "every-day-ness." The killer was days that it rained--and I mean poured buckets--and the one winter that the snow was up to my thighs. Oh, and the winters when it was below or close to zero degrees outside. But you know, delivering papers in the summer is not bad at all.

I finally walked away from it and told him I couldn't do it anymore. He kept it up for about another year.

As a result, I do only those things daily that I absolutely must. It's also why I think I like teaching so much; no two days alike in my job!

So anyway, here's that list of things that I dislike merely because of the every-day-ness of them:
1. brushing my teeth
2. washing my face
3. making my child's lunch/meals
4. making dinner
5. checking my email (I try really hard not to on Sundays, but usually I do just so I don't have a hundred to deal with on Monday)
6. praying (I know, crazy, right? I should love doing this!)
7. reading scriptures (see parenthetical insert to #6)
8. cleaning my kitchen (to be fair, Rhett will occasionally do this and do a much better job than I do, but man, this chore is Sisyphean to me (impressed with that reference aren't ya'?!)

I'm sure there's more, but I'm tired.

I'm feeling so overwhelmed with work and life and everything. My usuals arent' working: to-do lists, prioritizing, scheduling an occasional "no meeting" day to try to get through a bunch of my to-do items, daily exercise (even if it's just a 15 min walk), etc. My insomnia is becoming more frequent and it's getting harder to get out of bed, which for me are the tell-tale signs that the stress is overtaking me. I talked to a colleague today as we were walking out of work, and he brought up the issue of a breakdown. I told him I was about to have mine anyday and he shared that he had one last week. His doctor has him on a heart monitor now and anti-anxiety medication. Yikes. I think I'm going to schedule an appt. to see a therapist before I lose it.

Well, now, isn't that a happy end note?

1 comment:

  1. Gee, Scarlett, I hope you're okay. I know how you feel, though, because I feel it all the time, including now. The thing about our jobs is there's a lot to do, there's nothing stopping you from taking on too much, and there id just no time to do it all. It is stressful. You really should see someone if it's bothering you so much you can't sleep.

    And blogging should be fun. So, if it's not fun, take a break from it. I wouldn't feel pressure to do it every day. Lots of people don't. I choose to, because I like to. But it should be fun. If it's not fun, it's just not fun. Don't let it be something that adds to your stress!
    I have many days where I think I need to completely revamp my life/career.... Sigh.


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