My ticking time boob (TTB) is no longer ticking.
It sort of exploded. But not really.
Confused? Read on.
First the good news: I don't have cancer.
Now the bad news: I have "atypical" cells, a condition known as ductal carcinoma in situ. For plain folk like you and me, that's something akin to pre-cancer.
It's in the same breast that I had cancer, so radiation is not an option because it's already been irradiated (who knew you couldn't irradiate a breast twice? Not me).
I'm pretty sure chemo is not an option (Hallelujah!). At least it wasn't mentioned this morning when the nurse practitioner (NP) gave me the pathology report. Of course, I wasn't really paying attention after she said the recommended course of treatment for someone who already had the Big C was masectomy.
Huh?
Yes, indeedy-doody, I'm a gonna' have a masectomey. Maybe two. Back when I drank, a double was a good thing. Perhaps that is the case now. I'm not altogether sure, so I will talk to the doc about that option.
By the by, do you have any idea how expensive masectomy bathing suits are?! They really need to do something about that. And right after, they need to be named something else, agreed?
I meet with my surgical oncologist (who, by the way, is totally hot...don't tell Rhett I said that) on Tuesday at 7:30 a.m. (And he's sweet! Coming in early to chat with us - what a guy!) to hear all the options, but the NP said he'll want to do it as soon as possible, hopefully in about 2 weeks. Then about 4 weeks for recovery. At this point, I don't know what "recovery" means. I'm hoping I'll be able to teach out the quarter.
I can't think of anything else at this point to tell you; if I do, I'll post again. Otherwise, check back on the evening of May 1 to read the latest update.
If you're feeling like you want to do something to make me feel better, send me some jokes. Knock ones are especially good, since I can share them with BonnieBlue. Or "what do you get if you cross a _______ with a ___________?" jokes; we love those. Here's our favorite: What do you get if you cross a puppy with a computer? A lapdog!
Oh, one more thing. While I'm not terribly thrilled, I am grateful for this "adventure." I'm not sure why yet, but the Lord has commanded us to be grateful in all things (Eph. 5:20, Mosiah 26:39), and I figure I ought to do my best at obeying since I really have so much else in my life to be grateful for.
Many thanks to you wonderful folks who make me feel better just knowing I am not alone at this time. God bless you all!
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Friday, April 20, 2012
TMI?
Most people who know me know that I am not afraid to share just about anything regarding my life.
I have not kept it a secret that I was getting a biopsy today, mostly because verbally processing helps me adjust and adapt. Especially to potentially tragic scenarios.
So, beware, this post may be too much information.
For those special friends and colleagues who prayed for me today and/or who sent good thoughts and energy my way, so far it worked. My biopsy wasn't ANYTHING like the one I had 10 years ago. Ten years ago I had a core biopsy (spring loaded gun shooting into my chest wall; see previous post). Today I had a stereotactic biopsy.
For those who like to stop right here, I'll just tell you this. I left the Breast Center practically euphoric at the lack of pain. Mind you, I'm not oblivious to the bomb that may drop on my head; it's just that I'm not brooding about it. It is what it is. And I'll find out what it is next week. So, do keep the prayers, and positive thoughts and energy, coming my way. Please.
For those curious about a stereotactice biopsy you can read about it here or read on. I'm about to tell you. AND I have pictures!
First, here's the "gun."
Picture quality is bad. I forgot my camera and had to use my cell phone. Sorry. But for reference sake, the tech holding that gun is a petite thing. That mama-jammer is big!
It was the results of the two Valium I took that got me on this table. Heavenly Father helped a bit, too, I must admit. I have another picture with my ticking time boob (TTB) hanging through the opening in the table that in this shot you cannot see. I spared you that. You're welcome.
The first thing the radiologist did was shoot some Lidocaine into the TTB. Yay! I little pin-prick, and I felt no pain through the entire process. God bless modern medicine.
I have not kept it a secret that I was getting a biopsy today, mostly because verbally processing helps me adjust and adapt. Especially to potentially tragic scenarios.
So, beware, this post may be too much information.
For those special friends and colleagues who prayed for me today and/or who sent good thoughts and energy my way, so far it worked. My biopsy wasn't ANYTHING like the one I had 10 years ago. Ten years ago I had a core biopsy (spring loaded gun shooting into my chest wall; see previous post). Today I had a stereotactic biopsy.
For those who like to stop right here, I'll just tell you this. I left the Breast Center practically euphoric at the lack of pain. Mind you, I'm not oblivious to the bomb that may drop on my head; it's just that I'm not brooding about it. It is what it is. And I'll find out what it is next week. So, do keep the prayers, and positive thoughts and energy, coming my way. Please.
For those curious about a stereotactice biopsy you can read about it here or read on. I'm about to tell you. AND I have pictures!
First, here's the "gun."
It was the results of the two Valium I took that got me on this table. Heavenly Father helped a bit, too, I must admit. I have another picture with my ticking time boob (TTB) hanging through the opening in the table that in this shot you cannot see. I spared you that. You're welcome.
The first thing the radiologist did was shoot some Lidocaine into the TTB. Yay! I little pin-prick, and I felt no pain through the entire process. God bless modern medicine.
There's a modified mammogram machine under the table. It was used to guide the needle for the stereotactic biopsy. Seriously, God bless modern medicine. This was an entirely different process than the core biopsy. I assume they still do those, but thank goodness my little spots made that procedure inappropriate.
After the procedure, they took me into the room with this monster. Those of you who have had your mammograms will recognize Mr. Smasher. Mr. Pancake. Mr. Flatten-Me-Silly. You pick.
That cloth is the sanitizing wipe. This mammo was not like the screening one. This one was just to make sure they could see the little titanium clip ("the size of an eyelash" eveyone kept saying) that they implanted in order to reference it in later mammograms. So I wasn't flattened beyond the threshold that most women find not only excruciating but plain bizarre.
So, if you didn't think there was too much information (TMI) before, how's this?
See the little circle? It's highlighting that little titanium clip.
I am well on my way, I guess, to becoming a cyborg.
I will post again what the outcome of the biopsy is, probably on Wednesday or Thursday.
Thanks again for all your wonderful thoughts, well wishes, prayers, and kind words. It really does help.
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Ticking Time Boob
Yeah, I've got one.
One in 8 women have one. Or two.
I had been contemplating giving up my blog because when I do have time to post, I've got nothing interesting to say. And when I have something interesting to say, I'm too busy or I'm fatigued from a sinus infection. I've had 3 since last September, and I feel another coming on.
Anyhoo, I've got something interesting to say, and I'm not going to be able to sleep tonight anyway, so ta-da! New post!
On Thursday, April 18, 2002 I was lying in bed unable to sleep because I was going to interview the next day for the Special Education - ABA doctoral program at a large midwestern university. Out of insomniac boredom, I did a self-exam on my breasts. And found a lump.
The following Monday I made an appt. with my primary care physician's nurse practitioner who did another exam and told me I had nothing to worry about. "It is too mobile to be a tumor" were pretty much her exact words. But she referred me to the Breast Center at same large midwestern university. Two days later I had my first mammogram. I was 38.
Immediately after the mammo, the worried tech completed an ultrasound on my right breast. While I was still lying flat on the table, she called in the radiologist, who took my hand (no kidding), and said, "None of the oncology surgeons are here this afternoon. Promise me you will come back tomorrow." I promised, and I did.
The next day, I was diagnosed with breast cancer.
Surgery (lumpectomy), chemo, radiation, Tamoxifen. 10 years later (almost to the day), I am a survivor.
About two weeks ago I had my annual mammogram on which 3 suspicous spots appearred. I finally got in to see my surgical oncologist this past Tuesday. He ordered a biopsy, which he couldn't do right then because I had taken ibuprofen within the past 48 hours. I'm getting it Friday, April 20, 2012.
Ah, the symmetery. I love symmetry. Mark Twain once said, "History doesn't repeat itself, but it does rhyme." It's been almost 10 years to the day.
Rhett is going with me. I want him to record it for my blog (How cool would that be!? A live core biopsy of a breast!) but there is no way he'll do it. He can be a stick in the mud sometimes. I will try to get a picture of the biopsy gun.
Of everything I've been through, my memory is that that core biopsy was THE most painful thing I endured, with the possible exception of the 4th chemo round when the nurse couldn't find a vein. Ugh. I want a Valium just thinking about it.
Speaking of Valium. When the nurse practioner told me on Tuesday that my biopsy would be Friday, I exhibited classic drug seeking behavior: I asked for drugs. She--and I'm serious here--she asked me why. Um....because when a hollow needle is thrust into one's chest wall at a speed roughly equivalent to that of a bullet being discharged from the barrel of a gun, not once, not twice, but three times, it HURTS!
She actually wasn't going to give in, so I told her I wasn't coming in for the biopsy. And then she caved and prescribed TWO Valium. One to take two hours prior and the other a half hour prior. I guess the pain I'm going to feel afterwards isn't ...wait, I guess I won't be feeling any pain afterwards! Booyah! (Lie.)
Here's a thought. If a procedure has no negative side effects, doctors and nurse practioners should have to experience it. Then the perky, fresh-out-of-school (she could not have been older than 27, I swear) NP has the right to tell me 'no' when I ask for drugs. But if that was standard protocol (NPs for cancer docs getting biopsies for "educational purposes"), I wouldn't have to ask. The core biopsy order would be PRECEDED by a prescription for a week's worth of Xanax.
In the interest of full disclosure, I should clarify that I have to have another mammogram right before the core biopsy; my doc said that it's possible that the spots won't show up, and if so, no core biopsy. How cool would that be if I get to take 2 (!) Valium within 2 hours and NOT have to have that hollow needle gun shot into my chest wall! Yay!
Cross your fingers for me!
But, of course, if that happens, I go back in 6 months for another mammo. And then 6 months after that. And so on. And so on.
Ticking time boob.
One in 8 women have one. Or two.
I had been contemplating giving up my blog because when I do have time to post, I've got nothing interesting to say. And when I have something interesting to say, I'm too busy or I'm fatigued from a sinus infection. I've had 3 since last September, and I feel another coming on.
Anyhoo, I've got something interesting to say, and I'm not going to be able to sleep tonight anyway, so ta-da! New post!
On Thursday, April 18, 2002 I was lying in bed unable to sleep because I was going to interview the next day for the Special Education - ABA doctoral program at a large midwestern university. Out of insomniac boredom, I did a self-exam on my breasts. And found a lump.
The following Monday I made an appt. with my primary care physician's nurse practitioner who did another exam and told me I had nothing to worry about. "It is too mobile to be a tumor" were pretty much her exact words. But she referred me to the Breast Center at same large midwestern university. Two days later I had my first mammogram. I was 38.
Immediately after the mammo, the worried tech completed an ultrasound on my right breast. While I was still lying flat on the table, she called in the radiologist, who took my hand (no kidding), and said, "None of the oncology surgeons are here this afternoon. Promise me you will come back tomorrow." I promised, and I did.
The next day, I was diagnosed with breast cancer.
Surgery (lumpectomy), chemo, radiation, Tamoxifen. 10 years later (almost to the day), I am a survivor.
About two weeks ago I had my annual mammogram on which 3 suspicous spots appearred. I finally got in to see my surgical oncologist this past Tuesday. He ordered a biopsy, which he couldn't do right then because I had taken ibuprofen within the past 48 hours. I'm getting it Friday, April 20, 2012.
Ah, the symmetery. I love symmetry. Mark Twain once said, "History doesn't repeat itself, but it does rhyme." It's been almost 10 years to the day.
Rhett is going with me. I want him to record it for my blog (How cool would that be!? A live core biopsy of a breast!) but there is no way he'll do it. He can be a stick in the mud sometimes. I will try to get a picture of the biopsy gun.
Of everything I've been through, my memory is that that core biopsy was THE most painful thing I endured, with the possible exception of the 4th chemo round when the nurse couldn't find a vein. Ugh. I want a Valium just thinking about it.
Speaking of Valium. When the nurse practioner told me on Tuesday that my biopsy would be Friday, I exhibited classic drug seeking behavior: I asked for drugs. She--and I'm serious here--she asked me why. Um....because when a hollow needle is thrust into one's chest wall at a speed roughly equivalent to that of a bullet being discharged from the barrel of a gun, not once, not twice, but three times, it HURTS!
She actually wasn't going to give in, so I told her I wasn't coming in for the biopsy. And then she caved and prescribed TWO Valium. One to take two hours prior and the other a half hour prior. I guess the pain I'm going to feel afterwards isn't ...wait, I guess I won't be feeling any pain afterwards! Booyah! (Lie.)
Here's a thought. If a procedure has no negative side effects, doctors and nurse practioners should have to experience it. Then the perky, fresh-out-of-school (she could not have been older than 27, I swear) NP has the right to tell me 'no' when I ask for drugs. But if that was standard protocol (NPs for cancer docs getting biopsies for "educational purposes"), I wouldn't have to ask. The core biopsy order would be PRECEDED by a prescription for a week's worth of Xanax.
In the interest of full disclosure, I should clarify that I have to have another mammogram right before the core biopsy; my doc said that it's possible that the spots won't show up, and if so, no core biopsy. How cool would that be if I get to take 2 (!) Valium within 2 hours and NOT have to have that hollow needle gun shot into my chest wall! Yay!
Cross your fingers for me!
But, of course, if that happens, I go back in 6 months for another mammo. And then 6 months after that. And so on. And so on.
Ticking time boob.
Monday, March 26, 2012
Horses, In Real Life
Some time ago, I put some of the behaviors of BonnieBlue's that I wanted to improve on a sticker chart and started working with her on them. Stuff like brushing her teeth everyday, going to bed on time, eating at least some of everything on her plate, etc.
She was only 4, and I knew I had too many behaviors on the chart, but I was desperate. These were things that were driving me crazy to the point that I was being a little too unpleasant with her about them.
Here's the chart:
One night, after she brushed her teeth, I pulled out the chart and told her that every time she completed one of the items on the chart, she would get to put a sticker on the chart. Because she had just brushed her teeth, I gave her a sticker and she put it on the chart.
I then told her that after she filled the chart, I would buy her any toy she wanted.
The process went remarkabley well. I underestimated how consisted we would both be and how well she would understand the process. It only took her about a 2 and a half months to fill the chart.
About halfway through that time, we went to Target so I could re-invigorate her enthusiasm. We strolled through the aisles as I told her to pick out the toy that she wanted. I told her I would buy it for her when she filled the sticker chart.
This was what she chose:
It's 17 inches high.
Here's another picture with it next to a Barbie doll (for perspective).
It was on sale, so I went back and bought it, put it on a shelf in the garage, and every few days, when BB was resisting the sticker chart, I took her out there to show her. It put her back on track. Eventually, she filled the chart, and we brought it down.
She loves this horse.
At first, it bugged me. Not because it was a horse. I have fostered her horse fetish, as I was horse crazy when I was young. It bugged me that the horse had a mane and tail so long that they dragged on the ground. I often remarked to her that it wasn't a realistic horse, that horses in real life don't have such long hair.
A few weeks after she earned the horse, we took her to the All American Quarter Horse Congress. This is a 3-week event that is all horses all the time, held in Columbus at the Fairgrounds' Celeste Center. We watched an event and walked through the stables and shopped at the vendor fair. She was in horse heaven.
At this event, Rhett picked up a catalog for something that I cannot even remember and I saw a picture that looked a lot like this.
Well, what do you know?! There are horses like this in real life!
It's called a Gypsy Vanner. The breed has a fascinating history and has only been recognized for 16 years. If you enjoy horses, you can find the history here: http://www.gypsyvannerhorsesociety.org/ . Cool. Very cool.
If we ever get a horse, this would be it.
I also like Great Danes. Our horse and dog would match:
I dream big.
She was only 4, and I knew I had too many behaviors on the chart, but I was desperate. These were things that were driving me crazy to the point that I was being a little too unpleasant with her about them.
Here's the chart:
One night, after she brushed her teeth, I pulled out the chart and told her that every time she completed one of the items on the chart, she would get to put a sticker on the chart. Because she had just brushed her teeth, I gave her a sticker and she put it on the chart.
I then told her that after she filled the chart, I would buy her any toy she wanted.
The process went remarkabley well. I underestimated how consisted we would both be and how well she would understand the process. It only took her about a 2 and a half months to fill the chart.
About halfway through that time, we went to Target so I could re-invigorate her enthusiasm. We strolled through the aisles as I told her to pick out the toy that she wanted. I told her I would buy it for her when she filled the sticker chart.
This was what she chose:
Here's another picture with it next to a Barbie doll (for perspective).
She loves this horse.
At first, it bugged me. Not because it was a horse. I have fostered her horse fetish, as I was horse crazy when I was young. It bugged me that the horse had a mane and tail so long that they dragged on the ground. I often remarked to her that it wasn't a realistic horse, that horses in real life don't have such long hair.
A few weeks after she earned the horse, we took her to the All American Quarter Horse Congress. This is a 3-week event that is all horses all the time, held in Columbus at the Fairgrounds' Celeste Center. We watched an event and walked through the stables and shopped at the vendor fair. She was in horse heaven.
At this event, Rhett picked up a catalog for something that I cannot even remember and I saw a picture that looked a lot like this.
Well, what do you know?! There are horses like this in real life!
It's called a Gypsy Vanner. The breed has a fascinating history and has only been recognized for 16 years. If you enjoy horses, you can find the history here: http://www.gypsyvannerhorsesociety.org/ . Cool. Very cool.
If we ever get a horse, this would be it.
I also like Great Danes. Our horse and dog would match:
I dream big.
Friday, March 16, 2012
Bloggess Book Give-Away
I have almost no audience for this blog, which is fine with me. I post infrequently, and I'm boring. Work and my 5-year-old keep me too busy to blog everytime I think of something interesting to say.
I would rather read other peoples' blogs than write my own. My favorites are on the sidebar on the right-hand side of this page.
I was reading The Bloggess tonight, and I was touched by a couple of comments. There are a couple of Bloggess fans who are unemployed and can't afford to buy her book. Now, I fancy myself a nice person (though my students might disagree), and since I happen to have an extra gift card to Amazon, I'm going to give away a copy of her book, Let's Pretend This Never Happened: (A Mostly True Memoir).
Here's the problem: I know almost nothing about Blogger, so I don't know how to contact the winner except to ask those entering the give-away to leave an email address in a comment below. Leave a joke, too, if you don't mind. A clean joke. Why? My 5-year-old is really into jokes, especially "Knock, knock" and "What do you get if you cross a ..." jokes, and I have run out. Bloggess readers are the funniest, clever folks on the planet so I figured I would mine the gold. Deadline to comment is April 1, 2012.
I promise I won't do anything with your email address. And, since I don't have a big audience, I doubt there's any risk of anyone else doing anything with it either. I just want to give away a book. I'll let random.org pick the winner. Good luck!
CAVEAT: U.S. delivery only (the contiguous 48 states); I'm nice but not rich.
I would rather read other peoples' blogs than write my own. My favorites are on the sidebar on the right-hand side of this page.
I was reading The Bloggess tonight, and I was touched by a couple of comments. There are a couple of Bloggess fans who are unemployed and can't afford to buy her book. Now, I fancy myself a nice person (though my students might disagree), and since I happen to have an extra gift card to Amazon, I'm going to give away a copy of her book, Let's Pretend This Never Happened: (A Mostly True Memoir).
Here's the problem: I know almost nothing about Blogger, so I don't know how to contact the winner except to ask those entering the give-away to leave an email address in a comment below. Leave a joke, too, if you don't mind. A clean joke. Why? My 5-year-old is really into jokes, especially "Knock, knock" and "What do you get if you cross a ..." jokes, and I have run out. Bloggess readers are the funniest, clever folks on the planet so I figured I would mine the gold. Deadline to comment is April 1, 2012.
I promise I won't do anything with your email address. And, since I don't have a big audience, I doubt there's any risk of anyone else doing anything with it either. I just want to give away a book. I'll let random.org pick the winner. Good luck!
CAVEAT: U.S. delivery only (the contiguous 48 states); I'm nice but not rich.
Three Cups of Tea
Book Recommendation!
I just listened to this as an audiobook. (I have a 45-min 3-day-a-week twice-a-day commute.)
If you have an interest in kids, teaching, mountain-climbing, girls education, 3rd world countries (or parts of countries), or world peace, you should read it. This guy was nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize twice and that he did not win is a travesty.
There are few modern-day heroes. He is one. It is an excellent book and an excellent story. It was entertaining and informative. I learned a bit about the issues in the middle east that clarifies the problems with international relations. In addition, it humanizes the citizens of 2 countries (Pakistan and Afghanistan) that the press (in cooperation with our government, I'm afraid) has been unfair and incomplete in their portrayal of. Given Americans' interest and investment in these countries, it should be required reading.
I just listened to this as an audiobook. (I have a 45-min 3-day-a-week twice-a-day commute.)
If you have an interest in kids, teaching, mountain-climbing, girls education, 3rd world countries (or parts of countries), or world peace, you should read it. This guy was nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize twice and that he did not win is a travesty.
There are few modern-day heroes. He is one. It is an excellent book and an excellent story. It was entertaining and informative. I learned a bit about the issues in the middle east that clarifies the problems with international relations. In addition, it humanizes the citizens of 2 countries (Pakistan and Afghanistan) that the press (in cooperation with our government, I'm afraid) has been unfair and incomplete in their portrayal of. Given Americans' interest and investment in these countries, it should be required reading.
Saturday, March 10, 2012
A long, long time
I've been:
someone's sister for 47 and a half years;
married for almost 14 years;
an orphan for 10 years;
a mom for 4 years, 11 months, and 23 days (I counted from 'gotcha day' not birthday of BonnieBlue);
cancer-free for 9 years, 4 months, and 2 days (yay!);
a motherless daughter for 32 years;
a teacher for 22 years;
a member of the LDS church for 16 years;
sober 16 years, 4 months, and 10 days, 1 hour, and 55 minutes (yay!);
experiencing a daily headache for 16 days.
That's a long, long time to have a headache.
someone's sister for 47 and a half years;
married for almost 14 years;
an orphan for 10 years;
a mom for 4 years, 11 months, and 23 days (I counted from 'gotcha day' not birthday of BonnieBlue);
cancer-free for 9 years, 4 months, and 2 days (yay!);
a motherless daughter for 32 years;
a teacher for 22 years;
a member of the LDS church for 16 years;
sober 16 years, 4 months, and 10 days, 1 hour, and 55 minutes (yay!);
experiencing a daily headache for 16 days.
That's a long, long time to have a headache.
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